"I have a sensitive rear-end," said Secretary Kempthorne, to inquiries that insinuated spending 236,000 to renovate his office bathroom at the Interior Department was in fact, flushing hard-earned tax dollars down the drain.
"I'm so busy revoking the Endangered Species Act, opening up our National Parks to drilling and killing Old Faithful and the polar bears, that I don't have time to shower at home. I needed one at work. A big one too, you know for parties. Same for the gold-plated fridge, and the expensive 70's paneling. Like a regular bath house."
When asked about further accusations that his office has been taking bribes in exchange for lucrative drilling contracts, he replied. "We'll sure, that's another reason for the elitist bathroom. We have to entice those oil big wigs with something, you know, better than what you average joes have."
"To the tune of 236,000? Isn't that the above the median house price in your home state of Idaho?"
"Oh, it is? I guess I didn't know that. Been to busy changing laws at the last minute."
"Really? Before your political career started, weren't you executive vice - president for the Idaho Home Builders Association?"
"Ya, but that was back when houses had 'value'. I got out of that racket when the takings were big, if you know what I mean." wink...wink..
"Some people are a little upset by this sir. Some are saying perhaps you should've been more fiscally conservative during an economic crisis, like you Republicans claim to be."
Secretary Kempthorne chuckles to himself. No one else laughs. "But you see, that's only for you taxpayers and what I like to call 'the dreaded government entitlements'. Not for the public officials. We deserve the best. We have to sit so much, fighting with the Democrats, other Republicans, our secretaries, we need a soft cushioned place to set our hiney's when we need to take a break and read your lovely editorials in the NY Times. It's tough serving the public these days."
The reporter didn't speak. Kempthorne looked worried. "You okay?"
"Sorry," the reported replied. "I feel like I've just been flushed."
"Exactly," Sec. Kempthorne said, patting him on the back. Then he went to take a pee in his new gold-plated bathroom.