I am putting this out here because I wanted to know if other people find this same phenomenon in their wards...
I basically live on Wisteria Lane- everybody is perfect, there are never any problems, and bad hair days simply don't exist. But, as I have thought about this, I have realized that it hasn't seemed to be just my ward that has this problem. In my old ward, every mom would say how wonderful their baby was- easily slept through the night, never cried, was always happy. My baby, on the other hand, was literally a monster. She had colic, drove both her dad and I crazy, and left us wondering if we would ever have children again (we have made a deal with Heavenly Father that this new baby we are pregnant with must be a perfect angel or we are done). However, if I ever tried to mention this at a mom's group, everyone looked at me as if I had a third eye- it was as if I had to pretend like she was this perfect baby and that I wasn't completely falling apart inside.
Then, I recently found out a friend of mine is leaving her husband after 10 years of being in an emotionally, and eventually physically, abusive relationship. Come to find out, she felt that she could never talk to anybody about her problems because everybody has "perfect" lives and would judge her if she would have the audacity to complain about her horrible husband. (I get the impression this was not just her feeling that others looked down on her, but would say things and act in certain ways to truly make her feel like a bad person if she ever tried to talk to anyone about this). Since she finally left him, however, she has had several people come forward and say they are experiencing the same thing, but feel like they have nowhere to turn. Keep in mind, these are women who were sealed in the temple- but their husbands, obviously, were not keeping those covenants.
Last week at church on Wisteria Lane, we had a lesson on being positive in your life. Of course, because nobody ever has bad days in Suburbia, every comment was, "whatever happens, you just need to smile and trust in the Lord and everything will be OK."
I wanted to scream from the mountain tops: NOT EVERYTHING IS A LAUGHING MATTER!!!! I had thoughts of hurting my baby, not because I didn't love her, but because I was SOOOO frustrated- and putting a smile on my face and pretending like everything was OK, was NOT the solution! I needed support, I needed to know that other people understood what I was going through, and people who were willing to help- I didn't need everyone telling me how perfect their lives were! People need to know that there are situations that are not laughing matters, that they have people they can turn to and talk to, and that they won't be judged because their life isn't perfect (or at least that they shouldn't be)!!!
So, my question is this: Why do we feel this need to be perfect all the time? It can't happen, why can't we allow ourselves a bad day once in awhile? Why can't we allow ourselves to talk to each other about problems, so that we don't have to feel alone? That only perpetuates the problem. I absolutely agree with trusting in the Lord that He will take care of us, but why not be able to confide in friends, visiting teachers, other moms, without being looked down upon??? It would have been really nice to have somebody say, "you know, my baby was rough, too- here are some things that I tried that maybe will work for you, too."
I guess my complaint is that we are putting undue stress on all women when we only say how perfect everything is, instead of being willing at times to admit that sometimes things don't always go great- and that's ok. But, we are all in this together and we can help each other out!
Have I ranted long enough????